fishing for images
What I was missing most during the lockdown was touch.
I am going for dogs.
Even just letting them sniff my hand gives me a pleasant feeling.
It is a proof of existence, maybe.
And today, in the supermarket,
I touched the hand of a cashier when I handed her the money,
and it felt very special.
The sensory deprivation heightened my sensitivity.
How do I make sense of my senses?
Where do I feel the images that enter my eyes?
Where do I sense what I hear?
How would you access your sensations intellectually?
How do you understand your sensory evaluation of the surroundings?
I close my eyes and my sensory inner landscape expands.
How can I take this sensory richness into the world I perceive with open eyes?
How is the interpretation of what I see interfering my sensation of what I see?
How do I sense what I see without making sense of it?
There is an urge for expression, I start to move upon seeing.
I swing with the flow of the water.
I am one, one being, connected with everything by sensing.
The thoughts are that which differentiates, draws borders and boundaries.
And my inner waters are splashing up against these boundaries,
sensing the limitations of my perception.
I did not receive a lot of touch when I was a child.
My mother had a difficult relationship with her own, physically diverse body. I don´t think she took pleasure in touching her own body.
And I think she was afraid of me touching her body as well.
And I think she was also afraid of having pleasure in touching my body.
There was a moment when I felt very lost.
Going for a swim gave me a very grounding feeling in this time,
to sense my skin feeling enveloped by the water which carries me and takes care of me.
My body is 70% water. It is not so difficult to connect with water.
It is not so difficult to connect with another person through the water.
Feeling welcome in the presence of another person.
How can you feel welcome in the presence of another person
who is afraid of you?
During the lockdown, I started to go to the water which is nearest my house,
which is the Landwehrkanal.
I go fishing for images.
Fishing for images is not like hunting for images, it is also not shooting or capturing images.
This is not about creating images.
Fishing for images means you don´t know the image you get.
This is about feeling connected — because every image already exists.
There is no need to create more images.
In fact, my reason for fishing for images is to be in the moment,
to sense the moment,
to be present
and to learn from the moment,
to learn from the input in the process of fishing:
How does my body connect with the images that it does not know yet?
How do I sense the future?
text, video, voice and editing: Stephanie Hanna
If you feel called to make a freestyle translation for this video
into your own language, please get in contact with <sh_at_stephaniehanna.de>